The Most Mortifying Experience
Today was a bad terrible day.
I was doing my laundry which I had planned to do in the morning but because someone had left their clothing in the laundry room overnight and forgot about it, I had to wait. I couldn’t even move it, they had clothes in the ONE washer and ONE dryer that we have. If I ever see anyone wearing the teeshirt I saw there today, it is over for you buddy.
So I started doing it like two hours ago. I was in the laundry room with some freshly cleaned clothes that couldn’t be placed in the dryer, so I took it upstairs to my apartment to hang on my clothing rack. While I was hanging my clothes I found a sock that needed to be put in the dryer, so I ran out of my apartment to go back to the laundry room.
Here is where shit starts hitting the fan and spraying me in the face.
I forgot my keys in my auto-lock apartment. And I had no phone. And I was locked out of the laundry room.
But I had my lonely single sock.
Essentially I was homeless and standing in the corridor with just my pjs. (And my sock).
I panicked and ran over to the other apartment on my floor. I heard shuffling. No one answered. DEAD TO ME. If your firealarm rings again, I don’t care if there is fire blazing, you are smoke-jumping your own ass!
So I recall that my old roommates from 2 years ago still lived in my old apartment upstairs. I know because every time I call my landlord, he thinks I’m another Joanna (my old roommate) who lives in the unit above mine.
Here I was running up the stairs to their apartment. I figured it would be the safest way and since we knew each other, my embarrassment could be lessened from a witness-protection level to a I-just-want-to-crawl-into-a-hole level. My favourite old roommate (not Joanna) answered the door but she didn’t recognize me.
So I played the stranger game. I told her of my misery and asked her to borrow the phone.
My landlord is in Mississauga.
They had to call someone else to come open the door for me. But I had to wait 20 minutes.
So, me and my old-roommate-who-doesn’t-recognize-me started to talk. And it might be hilarious if I weren’t so utterly fucked.
N: Don’t worry I had a terrible week. I crashed my car, burned my pot and then broke up with my roommate turned boyfriend, Andrew.
J: That is terrible. (A/N: I know her Andrew, he was also my previous roommate, and he had a hot friend: Beltrano.)
N: Best part about that relationship was his hot bestfriend: Beltrano.
J: Oh yea? Never heard of him.
N: So, none of your roommates are home?
J: Yea, two of them are at the library and I don’t have my phone so I don’t know their numbers. The other two are never home.
N: Do they still pay utilities?
J: Yea, they’re pretty cool about it.
N: Yea, those roommates are the best! I had two, a couple of years ago. (A/N: She is actually referring to me and my friend Amy.)
N: So what program you in?
J: Biomed, yourself? *mutters Math and Biz*
N: Math and Business.
J: Oh that’s great.
N: What year are you in?
J: Fourth, yourself?
J: Oh so you’re graduating this year?
N: Do you happen to know a Joanna _ _ _ _ _?
J: Actually, that’s me.
N: HOLY SHIT. NO FUCKING WAY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A RELATIVE OF HERS OR SOMETHING.
J: No, it’s actually me. I live downstairs now.
N: YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT. HOLY SHIT. HOOOOOOLY SHIT.
N: Yea, back then you have had super short hair (A/N: Don’t ask, dark ages, dark ages). That’s why I didn’t recognize you.
N: Why didn’t you sign up to live here again?
J: My god, four flights of stairs.
N: You look like you’d need the exercise.
N: Yea, that’s why I didn’t recognize you. You’ve gained a lot of weight. You used to be sooooooooooo skinny.
N: Sorry but it’s true.
*Lady knocks on door to let me in my apartment*
J: Bye, it was nice catching up… (please excuse me while I purge myself of food to reclaim the body I once had two years ago.)
L: So you locked yourself out?
J: Yea, I’m really sorry.
L: You know I have to charge you $20 right?
J: Please, you’re not serious? (A/N: Seriously I thought she was kidding)
L: No, I’m serious.
J: Please stop. *laughing awkwardly*
L: *serious face* I drove all the way here from Kitchener. Go to the office tmr and pay the $20.
I am standing in my apartment (still clutching my sock) and wondering what just happened. *assumes fetal position*
And to capitalize on this: I wasn’t wearing any makeup whatsoever.
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